A Reflection: Journeying Through as a Woman in the Kingdom

I first saw this on Rachel Held Evan's blog - Comment Policy: "Please stay positive with your comments. If your comment is rude, it gets deleted. If it is critical, please make it constructive. If you are constantly negative or a general ass, troll or hater, you will get banned. The definition of terms is left solely up to [me]."
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The following reflection was brought on by a conversation that I had with someone (through our Facebook message boxes):

About brother Ed (I call him Pastor Ed) ... I remember the first face-to-face meeting we had ... A Wednesday night bible study at the Lambs. I remember those days when it was a smaller group, there was going to be eye contact at some point, and then discussion - as some observed and listened intently and others spoke up. To be a part of that when it's taking place is a beautiful thing. I'm comfortable enough with Ed to ask questions, to even take a risk and share my thoughts. Earlier today, I did just that: "Pastor Ed, Great status, except I would include both men and women of God as part of all those who will preach throughout this day. Which then led me to be curious regarding your position on Women in Church Leadership/Pastoral Ministry. Are you in support of it or not? Hoping you are refreshed today!
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His response to me: U r great...always reading into my post...lol Actually something's have changed regarding my position on it. I DO believe women can and should be in leadership throughout the church. It's a great sign of health. However, I DO NOT hold the position they should pastor a local congregation. This for me is clear in scripture. For some they believe women can't be in leadership at all but I think the bible doesn't make a case for this. It is however very clear regarding the pastoral ministry. Hope u don't hate me now...lol
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My response back to him: Lol thanks! Not at all meant to be divisive... I just enjoy learning from people, regardless of differences in perspective. And of course not, I don't hate you. My life is literally filled with many who are different from me. I grew up in a church where women didn't have much of a place in church leadership, with exception to [teaching] Sunday School, Youth Ministry [leadership is a husband and wife team], & Childrens Ministry [VBS directors were women]. I don't believe there is anything inherently wrong with that. As I learned and studied Scripture and used lexicons, etc. I looked deeper into Women in Pastoral Leadership (even though I didn't have any desire to be a pastor) and studied passages... In studying the passages, having conversations, I kept asking God about limitations and restrictions... The difference between those of man (general), self and God. He has taught me a lot... So much so, in the past couple of years, my position (that was more against women [being] in pastoral ministry and not knowing what to do with it) has changed. [All the while] fully being able to defend the position of not being for [it]...

I am not quite all the way on the other side of the topic, but would say that I am almost there. I've read a lot, studied a lot... Still do, always going back to the Bible. With that, in the past year or two, God has gradually been growing in me a desire to function pastorally in some way- My heart/being is pastoral. I do believe one can be pastoral without becoming a pastor. I don't think that's the road I'm going down though. There is a peace that comes with knowing that now, where there was formerly so much guilt... I almost equate it to a Christian struggling with sexual identity issues ... The ones who don't want to be, yet still wrestle through feelings and thoughts.

I still don't know what to do or think about other Christians who think women [being] in pastoral ministry is wrong. Quite frankly, I think both Complementarian and Egalitarian arguments have their faults and flaws, but my core values (just as informed by the Scriptures as yours), align more so with the Egalitarian perspective. I've struggled massively for the past 8-9 years on my journey as a woman in God's kingdom. All I have ever done and will ever want to do is be a part of the growth process of God's people and people everywhere, in any way possible, that includes functioning pastorally in any given context. Pastoring is about soul care... I find it to be problematic that it should only be limited to men. I could definitely argue for it and defend it though. So... I don't know what to do about other Christians who believe I am doing something, working towards something that completely goes against Scripture. It's heart-wrenching and has been disempowering at points ... Which goes against the very nature of the Bible, that is life-giving. But, I do go with God and take His guidance and leadership in my life very seriously.

I hope more than anything, you have caught a glimpse of my heart. I embrace the wealth of differences in my life. I find it enriches me so much more and can enrich others around me as well, if we have a great dialogue like this. Like I jokingly share with brothers, I'm not trying to take your jobs. The harvest is plenty, the laborers are few. There is more than enough to go around for everyone at the table. Why not work together? Those are my questions and concerns before the end of the day. Scriptures are one set of facts... One set of facts that manages to be accompanied with various interpretations, although many Christians will not, do not admit to that out loud. It's like the big elephant in the room that almost nobody addresses with each other.

I think this has gotten way too long. Thanks for reading. Feel free to respond accordingly. I do not mind, am not bothered by the expression of opposing viewpoints.